its not stalking. its research.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
