i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
