Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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