Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
