I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sarcasm needs its own font
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize