'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
