I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
