You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
