well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
