Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
