I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
