the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
