Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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