About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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