His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
