I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
