two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
