your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ugly people sure do ruin things
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
