Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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