I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
