Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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