Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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