he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
