hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
