i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
