So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize