i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize