watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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