Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's shark week go big or go home
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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