friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
