Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
