The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
