she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
