And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
