In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
