I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
