How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
