Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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