I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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