Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
