So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
