You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
