The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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