I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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