I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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