if you like me you must not know who I am
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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