This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
