I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
