If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
