there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
