I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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