So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
