Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
