i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize