I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
