Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
is it fun? or sober?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize