Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
love makes seman taste better
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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