what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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