I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
