i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
