so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
