At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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