Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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