my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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