the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
