apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
