the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
