sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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