Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
