Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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