i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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