I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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