just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize